Wow! It's been ages since I posted, but I think I remember how it's done. Days are long and tiring right now. Husband is away and I have the kids full-time, all of the time. Back to working full-time outside of the home, so that just makes things harder and more tense. Very short fuse with the little guys. I told my 7 yr old it's because Mommy can't tag out.

I know I should be enjoying their toddler/youngster years, but when you're in the thick of things, it's really hard. Potty training is not going well.

Got a new kitten,Larry, and he brings the feline menagerie to four - much to my parents's chagrin. He's tuxedo black and white and a hellion.

Still doing freelance writing - but only for the clients I love. A full-time gig means I can be a bit choosier. Writing and making a living from it - definitely, good times. Still I won't change the blog name - I like it too much.

Still working on that weight loss thing. But a 20-something coworker was shocked to learn I'm 46. Evidently she thought I was around her age. That's nice to hear. Got a grandma who will be 102 in Dec., so it's kinda genetic.

New Athleticism Not Going to Plan

Still trying to jump start my new athletic lifestyle. Not quite as easy as I had hoped it would be to carve out the pre-requisite time to take up a sport or just drop by the gym on a even a lame-o monthly basis.

And then Time magazine [I think it was Time] comes out with a cover story saying exercise really isn't pivotal to weight loss, especially long term weight loss. Ouch! That put a crimp in my plans. But it certainly explained a lot about some of the shapes and sizes of the amateur athletes I've known.

Still regular exercise is good for you. You simply have to think of it as having benefits that work from the inside, out, I guess. Regular exercise gives you energy, helps regulate blood pressure and blood sugar, boosts circulation, and helps you stave off the gloomies.

My faves are swimming and yoga, so for now that's what I will focus on. It should be easier now,too because I have been getting way more sleep lately. Way more.

For year we couldn't figure out what was up with our toddler. He rarely slept through the night and wasn't interested in talking. Turns out he had a milk allergy! He loves the stuff, but it doesn't love him. It didn't cause skin reactions, just insomnia, and crankiness. We cut out the milk and everything improved. His sleep. My husband's sleep. And now the little guy is seriously trying to talk. My ability to work at night uninterrupted has benefited as well. It's like night and day. Milk allergies are very common in toddlers but we had no idea. And I owe it all to his very astute, and observant pediatrician, Dr. Ruth Agwuna.

I have a food allergy myself - to sesame seeds - and I thought these things would always manifest as a skin reaction, or as anaphylaxis of some sort. I never thought it would turn up as sleeplessness.

Sleep: undisputably helps with weight loss.

Today Is My Birthday

I turned 45. Life still goes on. Luckily. I no longer have a yardstick or goal list for my professional life - it has taken too many twists and turns to necessarily keep that on track.

Big Picture: thirty years ago, I wanted to make my living as a writer. That's what I put down as my career goal on all of my college applications. And that's what I am. That's what's I've done to pay the bills for most of the last 23 years.

I just didn't realize at the time writing would get me into so many different fields: high tech, banking, finance, healthcare. Jobs I never thought would need a writer, like long term insurance agency auditor. Yep. Hard to believe, but true. I was in the accounting department at an insurance division of American Express, (I wasn't in their nice Manhattan office, I was in the Marin County, Calif. office. I loved the location; commuted over the Golden Gate bridge every morning from San Francisco where I lived, to an office just down the road from George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch - still one of the best/most beautiful work locations ever) and worked with accountants writing up audit reports. They actually hired me because of my English degree. This was 1990, and 5 yrs. out of school, I had never had a non-publisher, tell me they needed my writing services. I was there for 18 months. Not a fun job, but eye opening as to all of places I could go {humble nod to Dr. Seuss}.

Anyhoo, personally, eveything's cool. Husband, kids (I had my first at 38, so no one was more surprised than me, that I actually like this mommy stuff, and appear to be okay at it). Physically, that's what giving me pause. Each birthday I have sworn I'd be thinner. I tip the scale at 207 lbs. At 5'3" I am officailly a big girl. I've been that way for awhile, but 200 was always an inconceivable point for me, especially when I was in my 20s and my weight hit 125 and I couldn't get to a Weight Watchers meeting fast enough.

I long for 125. I long for those thighs and a waist that doesn't rest on my thighs when I sit down. I didn't really know how to cook much then and I certainly had no money to eat out when I was in my 20s and living in Edinburgh/NYC/Boston/Sacramento/San Francisco.

I was hoping to be thinner by 35/40/45. No go. But one unexpected thing about childbearing, it brings greater body-awareness, whether you want it or not. I'd like my old body back. Not the 38 year-old/pre-kid body, but the 25 year-old-pre-pre-kid body.

My question is, how? No time machine here. How do you become an athlete at 45? How does someone who hates athletics, sports, the gym go about changing? What do I have to do to stop over-eating or eating late at night (my personal faux pas)? Those are my questions and this is my quest. Becasue asking these same questions at 55 - not an option.

Stay tuned

Not at home now

Recently I took a job with a contractor to work as a communications specialist at NIH. I'm in a tech-heavy division. I thought about changing the name of this blog, and I still might, but for now it reminds me of those great days at home running a house. It was a lot more running around and far more work than I anticipated (getting the kids off to school, entertaining a 2 yr old, cleaning, cooking, managing our bills, writing, looking for clients, dealing with downer-naysayers, volunteering, etc.), but being a stay-at-home mom/writer was easily the most emotionally rewarding, interesting, straight-up fun, and creative job I have ever had. I started my own communications company, and while I'm still working at it, learning ways to increase business, dreaming up story ideas and marketing campaigns was/is fun. Most nights I got about 2-6 hours sleep, but still I was/am working for myself and that makes all the difference.

My company is making some steady money. From it's first year to now, income has increase markedly, but still not enough to stave off a job outside the home, unfortunately.

The last time I did a full-time-commute-to-work-job, I had one child. Now I have two little ones. Everything is so much harder, it's unbelievable. Particularly since I am still freelancing and getting new clients. The work nights after my kids go to sleep [I made sure to tell clients that my work hours were primarily 9 pm to 2 am] are still there, and I still have to get up just as early. But now instead of using the time to get one kid off to school and the baby up, fed and dressed. I rush around getting myself ready, grabbing breakfast and coffee and heading out. My commute is 1- 1.5 hours and it blows! Big time. I usually miss dinner time and breakfast time.

The job is fine, but my ultimate goals remains working productively and successfully from home. Supporting my family without commuting 12-13 hours per week, would be a soulful, wonderful thing. My husband would never consider a commute this long. His work is 10 min. away. But I've been doing bullshit commutes this long since I was 13 and it never gets any better. My high school was 2 hours away by bus and subway. College at Brown was immediately easier because I got back 4 hours of my day. I'm 44 now, subtract the time at college, and some other rare occasions when I lived close to work, and I've been commuting at least an 1 hour for about 25 years - and through 3 VWs.

I'm afraid to add up how much of my life has been spent commuting so I will skip doing the math. Even books on tape and NPR can't make constant traffic interesting. I will say I get more done during the day now that I don't have to jam everything I need to write into a 2-year-old's nap time. When I write now. I move pretty fast. It was a skill I had to develop 'cause I never knew how much time I had before I'd be interrupted. It's training that serves me well.

I Am My Brand, Inc.

One of the more difficult tasks as a freelance writer is marketing. Don't get me wrong, this is not a task I find loathsome in any way. I've never had the fabled artist/primadonna mindset. There is no wall between my writing and my business. That is a luxury for writers or journalists backed by giant publishing conglomerates.

Marketing myself, while time consuming can be fun. My brand is me - DFC Communications. And it has to be promoted through what else, writing. Whether I am writing an ad, a brochure, updating my web site, writing blog comments, writing blog posts, pitching stories via email to editors, sending a Tweet, fooling around on Facebook or Squidoo, my writing skill is on display. Simple missives demand dilligence, and any demand eventually begets fatigue.

You can't seriously judge the quality of a surgeon's O.R. skills by how she blogs about sports [or can you?], or decide if a lawyer is competent by her foodie posts on Facebook. But my writing, any time it is on display makes a comment about my competence, skill, and creativity.

Luckily, I love to write; always have. Yakking in print comes naturally to me, and most of the time it comes out pretty good - or at the very least, coherent. Errors in short emails I've fired off in a hurry may make me cringe upon later review, but beyond that I usually take care with [the written] word and try to take my time. However, I'm a writer so no matter how seemingly frivolous the venue, my words are my brand. Thus, I repeatedly remind myself: everything counts.

The trip to Oregon

It is good to be home. This was a our first full family trip - everyone went - Grandma, kids, my husband and me. If you've ever had to travel with a toddler my heart goes out to you. The first half of the trip must have seemed like a novelty to Cole because his behavior was a little restless, but great overall. The return trip was a different story. He's almost two and demands to be treated as an adult. Of course, he wants to be an adult who sits in his mom's lap, climbs across her chest and must pull her window shade up and down at least 100 times. Other than that slight quirk, he's a big boy.

Portland was like a tonic. It was soooo good to be on the west coast again - haven't been since 2001. It's definitely my preferred coast, and I love the Pacific Northwest, especially. Eight years in San Francisco instilled a love of the geography and of coffee! I had to get java at every opportunity, luckily out there (unlike my resident state of Maryland] there are plenty of drive-by java shacks, coffee houses and Peets Coffee (a favorite). The best coffee we had though, was at a coffee house in Tillamook, Oregon, just down from the Tillamook cheese factory. We had spent the morning touring the cheese factory and (unintentionally) playing in the surf at beautiful nearby Rockaway Beach. Before the long drive back to Portland, we stopped at this totally hippy, second-hand furnished, completely charming coffee house. The proprietor really took his time pulling the espresso shots. But it was worth it. It was just long enough to get a sweet and tasty brew. Fred and I agreed it was easily the best lattes we'd had in a very long time. Unfortunately, the name of the place escapes me - it took awhile to get the coffee and we took off as soon as they were ready. But if you're listening , big thanks!

Oregon geography is still sticking with me. I love it. How about you...any particular world spot haunt you (in a good way, only)? Let me know.

First post - finally!

It feels great to start a blog - like joining a revolution. My hopes for this blog? Posting my opinions on random events and people, sure, but also publicizing other cool blogs, and hopefully, showcasing my writing to potential customers. Blog as marketing tool...yep, it's a good thing.

More later...
Cheers!